


65. virgin

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [245]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10049111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Jesse. Boyfriend. Helena wanting to talk about boy problems, like this is remotely normal. Right.





	

Helena won’t leave the garage, where just a few hours ago Rudy lay bleeding. Now Rudy is gone and Helena is sitting on the floor, back against the icebox, picking at the duct tape securing a curved knife to her hand. She doesn’t look up when Sarah comes in. Sarah doesn’t know if she wants her to.

“Hey,” says Sarah, and stands in the doorway without moving. Helena continues to unpeel the edge of the tape, and smooth it back down, and unpeel it, and smooth it back down again. Sarah clears her throat. “Alison’s drivin’ the van over to Bubbles in a bit, better hurry if you want shotgun.”

“Jesse left,” Helena says, and finally looks up. “His truck was parked in the garage. There.” She points; somewhat with her hand, but mostly with the knife. “But Donnie Hendrick said he had to move it, because of the plan where I killed Rudy Scarface. And then Jesse left. And now he is gone.”

Sarah thinks, in an immediate and blinding flash of panic: _who the hell is Jesse._

“Sarah,” Helena says, “you have had boyfriends. Yes?”

The panic in Sarah’s stomach abruptly settles. Jesse. Boyfriend. Helena wanting to talk about boy problems, like this is remotely normal. Right.

“Yeah,” she says, “I’ve had a few. Why?”

The tape makes a sad, wet ripping noise, and then is stuck neatly back down by Helena’s fingers. “We were kissing,” she says, “in the car. But then we stopped. Because of the plan—”

“Where you killed Rudy, yeah, got it,” Sarah says. She steps over the blood puddle on the floor and sits down next to Helena.

“We were going to do,” Helena says. “Um. More than kissing.”

Horror crashes over Sarah like a wave. “Oh,” she says, blinded by the terror of the image.

“This is what you do with boyfriends,” Helena says, words stumbling over themselves on their fearful way out of her mouth. “With – Paul, you did this.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Sarah says. Because. What else does she say.

“I want to do it right,” Helena says. “I have never had a boyfriend before. We kissed but then I went to jail, and I do not think this is what should happen with boyfriends. You kiss boyfriends.”

“I saw Rachel do it,” she adds moodily. Rip. Stick. Rip. Stick. A summary of Helena: she is more fixated on the duct tape than on the knife she is still holding.

“Please don’t ever use Rachel as a role model,” Sarah says. “I’m serious, meathead, don’t do it.”

“You did it,” Helena says.

“Yeah,” Sarah mutters, “don’t use me as a role model either.” She runs a hand through her hair. “Did you want to?”

“I wanted to fix the story,” Helena says.

“But did you want to – uh. Y’know. Did you?”

Helena rips all the duct tape off the back of hand; flesh emerges, bright red from the pain of the rip. She presses it back down, expressionless. “I don’t know,” she says. Her voice is small and red. “You have had many boyfriends, _sestra_. Am I right in saying this?”

“I guess,” Sarah mumbles.

“I have only had one,” Helena says. “And now he is gone. What if there are no others. What if I should have said yes, because he was the only one, and now he has gone away.”

“Christ, meathead,” Sarah breathes.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault.” Sarah shifts her weight a little bit, sighs. “Don’t – have sex just ‘cause you think you need to have sex, alright? Listen to your _sestra_ , she knows this shit. Just – do it if you really want it, not ‘cause you think you’re s’posed to want it. There’s gonna be other guys, Helena. If I know guys they’re never gonna _stop_ comin’.”

“No,” Helena mumbles to her knees, “there were no others. He said I had nice eyes. Nobody has ever said that about my eyes before.”

“There’ll be other guys,” Sarah says, “if you want more guys. Got it? I’ll drag ‘em here if I have to. They’d be idiots to not want to be with you, Helena.”

Helena smiles, bruised and pink on her face. She’s still fiddling with the edge of the tape, even after all of this. “Please do not drag my boyfriends, _sestra_ ,” she says.

“Probably be the opposite,” Sarah says. “Bet I’ll have to beat ‘em off with a stick.”

Helena snorts, giggles. “What if he comes back,” she says. “Because I am beautiful and have nice eyes and he is not an idiot.”

“Then I’ll beat ‘im off,” Sarah says, “with a stick. If that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know,” Helena says. “He was a nice dream. He had a truck. In my head we were married and we had babies and he picked them up and spun them around. I – don’t – know. If Jesse was as nice. As the dream.”

“You can keep the dream,” Sarah says quietly. “If you want.” God knows it’s nicer than any of the dreams she’s had for any of the guys she’s had. It’s a world that you could crawl into and live in.

“No,” Helena says. “It’s over now. If he comes back, I think I will maybe let him go.”

“You’re good at this,” Sarah says. “Took me too many bloody arseholes ‘fore I thought about not keepin’ ‘em.”

“Well,” Helena says. “I have good help.” She smiles at Sarah again, eyes warm and crinkled. Then her face abruptly goes serious. “I will keep his hat, though.”

“There’s a _hat_.”

“Yes. Very nice hat.”

“Can I see it?”

“Yes,” Helena says. “But you will open door for me. Because of tape.”

“I think we should get that knife away before we open any doors, yeah?” Sarah reaches for Helena’s hand and peels the tape off, a little bit at a time. Helena watches her, lip pulled between her teeth.

“There,” Sarah says, “that’s better, innit?” The unpeeled tape drops to the ground. Underneath where it was Helena’s skin is raw and red and new. When Sarah looks at her, she uncurls her fingers; the knife that was in her hand clatters on the ground, when she lets it go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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